Germany and Brazil both shit the bed, Teddy loses penalty shootout

By Bangs Girl-Smarkington

Monday the 18th of June 2018


OH NO NO NO NO. Day four was supposed to save us from this festival of national Soccerball mediocrity, but somehow throwing Germany and Brazil into the tournament only made things worse. The nation that once smashed out punctual 7 – 1 victories in Finals got rolled by Mexico, while the Soccerball wizards of Brazil couldn’t even beat the Swiss. SASUGA.

So far only the host nation have been rampant, but this was against the Saudis in Siberia. Ronaldo could possibly win the World Cup all by himself, but the rest of Portugal were garbage. Spain was decent in attack and terrible in defence, but before the WC they were considered almost impregnable. These were the highlights of Day 1 & 2.

On Day 3 France could have stepped up, but they were barely convincing against Australia with only a single goal from open play. Argentina had to grind out a humiliating draw against Iceland. Great match that last one though.

Then on Day 4 we finally got to watch the Germans and the Brazilians show us how to Champion. S-S-S-SUGOI.

Serbia took down Costa Rica 1 – 0 first, after a scorching free kick from Roma defender Kolarov. It was actually sugoi, and he deserves an unironic sasuga. Real Madrid Champions League winning goalie Navas was convincingly beaten by his amazing strike.

Then we got what just may be one of the worst German sides ever. The defence was very Ungermanlike, and the Mexicans treated the German midfield like a Californian border fence, running right through it to score the only goal of the match . Match winner Lozano is a winger who plays for PSV.

Germany 0 – Mexico 1. OH SHIT NIBBA HA HA HA HA HA HA. No wait, but AH HA HA HA HA HA.

What about Brazil though? They a top squad of Barcafags. Surely they beat Switzerland, right? Right??? Wrong.

The goal by Barca midfielder Coutinho was PURE KINO, and this should have been Match of the Day. Because, you know, Brazil play that easy on the eye tiki-taka football. They couldn’t defend a straightforward corner though.

Bundesliga midfielder Zuber was somehow unmarked in the box to head in the equaliser, even though he was surrounded by yellow shirts. OH NO NO NO NO NO.

The fact is, nobody has put their hand up to win this World Cup yet. Yeah I see you Russia, and you CR7. Could this be the year for England???

Meanwhile in the Westworld Cup it was Humans 1 – Robots 0, after an own goal by Teddy, who An Heroed in front of Doritos.

Did anything else happen in Worstworld this week? Fucked if I know. I turn the sound off whenever one of the female characters starts talking about their feelings, so I don’t get nagged into becoming a serial killer like Ed Harris.

Maeve went Super Saiyan, MIB confirmed Robot, Doritos to hook up with MIB again, and MIB’s daughter is bulletproof now. Not because she’s actually a Robot like her dad, she just got mad plot armour from being written stronk by two plotshitting feminists.

Woo, so nothing happened. Unless they don’t reboot Teddy. Which they can do whenever they feel like it, because dude Robots LMAO. HBOllywood confirmed fake and gay.

I know this happened yesterday, but does anybody else think Hidomi looks kind of like Ruri?


Full disclosure: [Bangs Girl-Smarkington]’s IRL name is [Hibajiddy Tsundere]. I’m an [dubbed beach episode] who’s keen on [Doritos] and [flowerpots].




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