God of Onions begone, only Miyazaki and Shadows can save Console now

By John Miller

Tuesday the 24th of April 2018

 

In the current era of MONEYGRAB Console gaming there are very few franchises worth following, and almost nothing is new. Your paycheck or NEETbux gets swallowed by a multi-billion-dollar cat wrangling scam that subsidises a legion of shady game-shills who hype you a new GOTY every other week, and everybody laughs at you as soon as you leave the store. Good times. We’re all chasing that one good title.

Case in point, God of Soy, which I was reminded of today because I dropped in on the /v/ermin to have a good laugh at the absolute state of their catalogue, which is currently being fucking BOMBARDED with GoW threads made by Sony interns. But you can’t fool autism. Some cats simply won’t be wrangled.

Basedboy shills and Onions Latte sipping faggots who spam the propaganda that the Hype Machine made them think was true will never convince me that a game from a mediocre franchise made by a mediocre studio that only exists to grind out a single formula and with a Literal Who GD can ever exceed the mediocrity that birthed it.

That said, I will eventually buy your stupid game, Sony. Probably.

An admission that if I want to Consolefag and sit in my comfy chair at home and play Hack and Slash, or anything without needing a subscription and a headset and a credit card for loot crates, then my options are not great in 2018.

How did a GoW become a Hype Event? Ever? This is fucking embarrassing for Console.

Sony should be mindful that the reason they are not epic FAILING like Microsoft is not because of their formidable Hype Division getting us to buy the dust collectors that have nearly killed Console, but because they had elite GDs making kino games exclusively for them before the Console war was won.

Guys like Hidetaka Miyazaki, who ran his street for Sony with Bloodborne. The guy who gave us Souls. The very definition of gaming kino.

The one good thing about all the GoWfag spam that I read today was that it reminded me about the last time a Console game actually managed to make me sit up and want to beat it. And that was all on Miyazaki.

If you have never played Miyazaki’s games then you have wasted your entire life. Some of you may never have heard of him, even though you tell everybody that Dark Souls 3 is your favourite game. It would be un-Christian of me to suggest killing yourself, my man, so why not educate yourself instead?

While the faggot shills who wrecked Console are telling us what the next Souls is, Miyazaki himself walked away from his monster franchise years ago. The man is an artist. A lesser being and his team would still be riding Armoured Core, let alone Souls.

Hidetaka Miyazaki and his studio FromSoftware gave us the last Dark Souls in 2016 and then walked away from the franchise to do something new. Will it be enough to save Console in 2018? I want to believe this man has another gear.

Almost everything about Shadows Die Twice is a mystery except for a tentative release date this December. There are rumours that Miyazaki was interested in developing a Science Fiction title before he went deep underground. Dark Souls 40K ? I’d buy that.

All we know for sure is that Miyazaki will turn up at E3 in June if he really wants to start the December hype.

The /v/ermin are going to be seeing a lot of Bloodborne and Souls threads for the next 9 months. Kek.

For once though, it will probably be worth it. If you are hype about GoW then you might want to consider going Fucking Mental for the game that Miyazaki walked away from Souls to make.

Damn, I might even get to use my console for something other than an anime player again. It’s been too long since I considered it a gaming rig.

Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I’m an Aussie who’s keen on Conservative politics, Trump, and the Anime Right. Protect Anor Londo.

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