Melbourne gripped by Plague: flesh-eating virus sweeps through Vice City

By John Miller

Monday the 16th of April 2018

 

Scientists are at loss, as a HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS flesh-eating plague virus tonight consumes the populace of our national den of iniquity.

How did this virulent strain of turbo-leprosy that is easily spread by mosquito bite and which results in amputation or death if not immediately treated get to Victoria, and why is it currently spreading like wildfire from the port of Geelong all across the hub of Australian sin, accursed Melbourne?

We know only that it came from Africa, which means that we can’t say that an African bought it over, because that would be racist. We certainly can’t say thanks a fucking lot for all the diversity, because multiculturalism is amazing. I like the part with the rampant Sudanese crime gangs and the skin melting diseases.

But seriously, Melbourne is a great place to watch your kid lose an arm to a flesh-eating virus and then get your pension book stolen and your head kicked in by the Wakanda Kings because you live on the wrong street at the wrong time of night.

The tapas is awesome though, and in forty or sixty years when our new arrivals from Africa have fully assimilated us and we’ve all converted to Atheo-Islam I look forward to visiting the giant wall that will built be around Australia’s shame when it was decided that it was just easier to contain the entire fucking city and let them starve than ruin an entire nation.

Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I’m an Aussie who’s keen on Conservative politics, Trump, and the Anime Right.

I was looking forward to the Zombie Apocalypse, but all I got was this lousy Black Death. Thanks a fucking lot Malcolm.

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