Plantagenet pretender declares war upon the Windsors, Saracens, and Protestants

By John Miller

Saturday the 17th of February 2018

 

First of all, I would like to thank Ellen DeGeneres, who bumped the price of Bitcoin by almost a thousand dollars overnight. Good luck to those of you who are going to stay on this rocket ride to the Moon, but I feel that getting back in at 6000 and doubling my money in less than a month is more than adequate, and I leave all of the vast future gains to you.

Not because I lack faith in crypto, but just because my autism prevents me from constantly thinking about it, checking the price, and thinking of trading strategies. I don’t even like money that much, I’m just really into trading games, and crypto is the most addictive trading game that I have ever played.

I will however exit with a giant swag bag of NANO, which I bought at what seems like a ridiculously low price, and which I will keep as a memento of being swindled out of my original XRB by the Bitgrail scam.

If they are worth a vast fortune by Christmas I will donate the money to charity, but I don’t intend to be checking the price of Bitcoin or crypto much before then.

Unless I hear that the price of Bitcoin has collapsed again. But I pray for all your sakes and my own sanity that this doesn’t happen soon, kek.

And now on to the purpose of this article, the rise of a pretender king of England on /pol/.

Or should I say the return of the rightful King of England, Wales, Scotland, Ireland, Normandy and Aquitaine? I will let my readers decide.

Edward VI Plantagenet is everything that you would expect of a medieval English king, I guess. He loathes “coin shaving Jews”, hates Saracens, and has a loyal following of two thousand Anglo-Saxon and Norman knights, by his own reckoning.

I took the liberty of dropping his majesty an email, at the address he left in his first thread. To my great surprise he answered me today, and he also made a second thread, in which he repeated much of his platform from the first. He also added a string of invective against the Windsors, who he intends to liberate England from, on his way to purging the Vatican of “unholy forces” and taking Jerusalem back from the “Jews and Moors”.

Fortunately for me I have English ancestors who were Catholic dissenters of solid Norman stock, so his majesty Edward VI has overlooked the fact that I was baptised C of E, and deigned to enter into a correspondence with me. He has also promised not to kill me by auto de fe as long as I convert to Catholicism before he attains the throne, which is reassuring.

Edward VI traces his descent by Edward V, the boy king imprisoned in the Tower of London by Richard, and insists that his line was not extinguished upon Bosworth Field. He claims to rule the Anglo-Saxons and Normans by divine right, as well as the Irish, the Scots, and the Gauls in his French territories. He claims Normandy and Aquitaine.

As a frequent player of EU4, I asked HRH if he did not also consider claiming the Duchy of Maine. His reply was that Maine is a March of the Normans, and that he would annex it to Normandy after his defeat of the Windsors.

The Windsors he considers German usurpers and several other things, none of which are salubrious.

I look forward to meeting Edward soon, as he is also currently resident in Australia, apparently. Hopefully I will get to go on a hunt with the future king of England and self-proclaimed leader of the Holy Crusade, and tell my gentle readers all about it.

Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I’m an Aussie who’s keen on Conservative politics, Trump, and the Anime Right. I enjoy various Christian activities and used to talk about Crypto too much.

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