First Blood: Lackland slacker loses No Lackin challenge

By John Miller

Sunday the 28th of January 2017


The city of Lackland made history today for all the wrong reasons, scoring the first fatality of the latest fad of Generation Dimwit. These magnificent youths who gave us the Tide Pod challenge have somehow made the game of Russian Roulette even greater, by turning it into a two-player game.

A 17-year-old gunslinger from Lackland Texas inadvertently won the Darwin Award when he pulled a gun on his friend while they were both sitting at the same table in a local diner eating. His 21-year-old friend and recipient of the No Lackin Challenge was certainly not Lackin in firepower, and he straight up shot the first guy in the head.

The shooting has been described as “”””accidental”””, but I think we all know that the 21-year-old guy just shat the bed. I’m sure he’ll get quite a ribbing in prison from his fellow inmates about his shaky trigger finger.

Remember kids, always have the safety on. Or is that gay these days? Yeah nah, keep the safety off kids so that you can blast first. But just point the gun away from your dick when you put it back in your pants.

The No Lacking Challenge has finally made the leap into mainstream culture, and we can expect kids everywhere to start pulling pistols on one another to impress Snapchat thots and random idiots on Instagram.

Do you miss those innocent days when they were just eating Tide pods yet?

Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I’m an Aussie and when I’m not obsessing about Conservative politics or defending Trump I also enjoy various sports and Christian activities. Somehow I ended up in the Anime Right in 2016 because of Trump, and I trade Crypto because I want a Lambo.

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