By John Miller
Saturday the 6th of January 2017
JK Rowling is back, and this time she’s a bald hunchback dwarf who dresses like Steve Urkel and writes fanfiction about Roger Ailes and Donald Trump. But wait fam, it gets better – the hero of her latest Harry Potter kid’s book is none other than raging Left wing action man Steve Bannon.
Steve Bannon, the guy the Left loves more than gay sex now, because Steve did a George W Bush and got his jimmies all rustled by Trump.
Top Kek, grasping at straws Left.
Sloppy Steve, who spent the few weeks that he worked in White House tattling to the press, and who since getting his ass fired now tattles about Trump to anyone who will listen, has a remarkable story of personal heroism to tell. This truly is JK Rowling’s best Harry Potter novel ever – probably.
Actually I’m not a faggot so I’ve never read a Harry Potter book. In my Church and Fundamentalist Christian High School that kind of shizznat was considered demonic, and back in the good old days we avoided things that were affiliated with Satan.
But I digress – time to stop crying about being fired by the President, Harry. You’re a wizard now, so go fight for the Left.
Steve Bannon doesn’t know how to fight, or how to win, or how to wear a suit, but boy howdy can he tell an Amazing Tale or two.
Remember that one time, in White House Camp, where …. STFU Steve, you complete and utter joke. I knew I made the right call on you when you threw Nehlen under the bus. Jeez, to think we all had your back when you backstabbed the Prez in Alabama – and look how that turned out!
Lesson learned: Donald J Trump is always right, even when he seems to siding with the RINOs. He saw that Bannon was a sack of shit loser with his patented X-ray Winnervision, lads.
This is all kind of embarrassing for Breitbart, which can’t decide whether it wants to Make America Great Again, or make memes for the Occupy Democrats.
One minute you’re undermining the President, the next minute you’re…undermining the President. Hey, these Breitbart retards are remarkably consistent. Because the one thing that Andrew Breitbart wanted more than anything in the world was for Steve Bannon – sorry, Sloppy Steve – to never have hurt feelings.
Are you ready to read about Steve Bannon’s awesome adventure, everyone? What did Harry learn while he was at the White House?
Trump likes to bang the wives of all of his friends. Um, OK, literally FAKE RUSSIAN DOSSIER TIER MILLS AND BOON NOVEL.
I doubt Trump would tell Bannon about this if he did it, because everybody knows that Sloppy Steve – sorry, Harry Potter – has the ethics of a ten-year-old girl and immediately tells everybody every bit of gossip that she encounters.
Seriously, who even takes Steve seriously any more except for Breitbart’s 80-year-old readership, and now, apparently, EVERYBODY ON THE BATSHIT INSANE LEFT?
But wait, there’s more: Trump also likes to eat cheeseburgers in bed at night in the White House and keeps his supermodel wife locked outside while he watches a 24-hour channel that was created for HIS USE ONLY and shows ONLY GORILLA FIGHTS.
I’ll allow it! This is freaking AWESOME. I didn’t even think it was possible to love this great man even more, but there you go.
Best President ever. Fixed the economy in less than 12 months, made us all rich, and gave us more salt from the Left than we can use in five lifetimes.
We got so much from this man, but all the Left got was Steve Bannon as Harry Potter and two Fake Dossiers.
So let us never forget – this man who could be anything, he chose to be the leader of the Free World and rescue us all from Leftist oppression. And he got there on his first try.
Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I’m an Aussie and when I’m not obsessing about Conservative politics or defending Trump I also enjoy various sports and Christian activities.