By John Miller
Thursday the 14th of December, 2017
Star Wars is now Space Twilight.
Were you shipping Reylo? Congratulations, this movie was written for you. The Last Jedi: by women with cats, for women with cats.
So apart from being two LONG hours of Tinder for a Rey and Kylo hookup, AND killing off any character that wasn’t part of muh empowered wimminz story arc, AND watching the token black guy and his BMAF do capeshit, was there anything in this movie left for the Star Wars fan who isn’t already dead inside?
Don’t ask. Some memories are just too painful to relive.
Having bravely given nothing to the core demographic that sustained the franchise for forty years, Disney has ended the series with a whimper. This movie lies there in the darkness next to you, and you want to go home but you just feel bad for it, so you wait until it goes for a shower and then dive out the window.
Warning: through an amazing application of next level faggotry and preachy new age whining from the main characters, you will find yourself cerebrally eviscerated and at least ten percent more stupid for several hours after watching this movie.
Pew pew, I liked teh lazzers. Shut up freak. Have you never seen CGI before?
When Yoda burned all his books I was interested for about a millisecond. Legend has it these were the actual books of Star Wars canon lore that were passed down from generation to generation of Star Wars nerds.
You won’t be needing those any more, though. Reading is oppression in the SJW Wars Disney franchise.
Queue Disney tier pyscho-babble: “History was written by the ebil white mens, and we must burn it all so that the stronk wimminz can carry society like little babby to Feelings Nirvana.”
I guess Disney wants to sell a lot more plushies and a lot less vidya going forwards. Imagine all the cats and transgendered children that are going to be named Rey. Absolutely degenerate.
Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I’m an Aussie and when I’m not obsessing about Conservative politics or defending Trump I also enjoy various sports and Christian activities.