By John Miller
Thursday the 14th of December, 2017
Russia is just like us in a lot of ways, and one of those ways is that they love watching images of their high tech jets bombing Sandmonkeys, but they hate it when Ivan Jnr comes home in a coffin.
Oh, those flag draped coffins. Suddenly they see mom weeping on the telly, and start asking questions like what the hell that kid died for.
Putin is a crafty guy, and a survivor. He knows what he can get away with, and what might start a riot. And who knows where that will end? One moment you are all-powerful Tsar, the next minute revolutionaries are machine gunning your family out behind dacha.
What to do, what to do? I really like Bashar, he’s my guy, and ISIS is cyka blyat…
I know, how about we start ghost battalion of Russian “”””mercenaries”””?
We can call then the Wagner Company. Heh heh. And feed them into meat grinder like WW2 Aryans.
Sounds legit. Suddenly you have your legion of shock troops, and Russian shock troops are the best in the world, and have been ever since the Great Patriotic War, when they proved Germans were untermensch and then raped and pillaged half of Europe for a lark.
Russians are notorious slow starters though, and don’t tend to get riled up until you have made them scorch most of their arable land. How to get them to go fight in Syria?
Easy. Activate Russian gold diggers! When Ivan dies, cash prize of Twenty thousand dollars for you! If he is company bigshot, Forty thousand!
Such is the power of these Russian thots over Ivan, that Wagner Company has been in the vanguard of every Russian victory ever since it was created, albeit totally on the lowdown.
Yessir, from the Reconquista of the Crimea and Eastern Ukraine to the annihilation of ISIS in Syria, no job is too big for Lt Col Dimitry Utkin and his boys – hohols and sandmonkeys BTFO forever.
The Kremlin denies the existence of Wagner company, but several Moscow and Saint Petersburg Instagram thots have been caught bragging on social media about the lucrative virgin Ivan trade.
Truly this is the ultimate White Knighting behaviour, running into a hail of bullets to buy your girl some new funbags and some Versachi. Virgin Ivan, I salute you.
73 Orthodox Christian patriots died in Syria for Russia to defeat ISIS, all under the Wagner Company banner. Roman Zabolotny and Grigory Tsurkanu were captured by ISIS and remain unaccounted for.
Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I’m an Aussie and when I’m not obsessing about Conservative politics or defending Trump I also enjoy various sports and Christian activities.