Tora! Tora! Tora! Toshio Masuda tricked me into loving Nihon

By Susumu Kodai

Thursday the 7th of December, 2017


Once upon a time, before California was full of faggots that hate America, Hollywood used to be a place that made great movies. I remember watching one of them when I was a kid: Tora! Tora! Tora!


Not on VHS or Betamax either, but on the big screen, as I was lucky enough to be living in the Cocos (Keeling) Islands at the time, which Canberra had sometime bought from the hapless Clunies-Ross family for the princely sum of seven million dollars LOL.

So while my parents did whatever public servants do, which to my eyes seemed mostly to involve drinking and playing golf, and whatever my Christian mother did, us kids enjoyed such entertainment as the Yanks brought to the islands; because the US Navy and Airforce were with us more often than our own.

And they always came with movies and candy, or lollies. A word later corrupted by Tojo, so I’ll stick with candy. Candy and Hollywood movies won me over, and thus I was educated about the War.


While my own family had fought in the War, most of them had been in the 10th Light Horse, and getting captured by the Japs and tortured for a few years until the Yanks dropped atomic bombs on the Japs to let my Grandad’s brothers go did not make a good story for Christmas dinner.

So nobody bothered to tell it, and I relied entirely on war movies.


The Japanese that I knew for most of my life were the rather sympathetic figures of a 1970s movie, and even today when Reddit the Donald told me it was Pearl Harbour day, the first thing I remembered was that movie.

After sitting down to write about Pearl Harbour, I quickly realised that what I really wanted to do was post a shitload of cool gifs, and fanboy the hell out of 1970s Hollywood movies.

And what a movie TTT was.


Mang, it was so good that even though I hadn’t watched it for at least ten years or more just the memory of how good it was made me endure almost an hour of Ben Affleck being a faggot before I abandoned my popcorn during THAT Pearl Harbour – and almost my date – because time is precious and it ought not be wasted.

These days I am busy being a Summerfag, and Steam has given me absolutely nothing, so I am eternally grateful to the Samurai, who has stepped in to fill the void that Hollywood has left.


Already Guilty Crown has occupied one full day of my holidays, and even with the two or three times that I have had to abandon other Japanese cinema because their cartoons were verging on filth, I guess anime still has plenty to offer me – even though I mostly ignored it between now and G-force.

What was I writing about again – oh yeah. God bless America, and Anime Lab.

Spoiler Alert: Shu is a terrible crush.

Why Hare-chan, why?


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