Red Chinese Navy deploys Dolphin shredding razor nets, eradicates all marine life except Jellyfish

By John Miller

Sunday the 3rd of December, 2017


Not content with turning their Communist paradise into a Sulphurous dystopia of unrelenting toxic fog and Dickensian factories so that Xi Jinping can go to Davos and eat cake with Jeff Bezos, the Communist heathens have now decided to destroy every fish in the waters.

Is this what he was telling Zuck that made him go pale? Nah, probably not.


Why not just destroy all life on earth? China already has unbreathable air and no freedom of thought, who cares if they destroy the Ocean as well. Are you going to stop them, Pointdexter?

Sea Shepherd can make a pretty good living harassing the Japanese whaling fleet, and if a bunch of Hollywood virtue signallers throw a ton of money at you for getting hit by a water cannon and preventing the Samurai from eating his whale blubber, well that’s just super dandy. Let’s make some instagrams and pretend we saved the world.


Better not try that shit on with the Red Chinese navy though, boys and grills. You’ll be going straight to Davy Jones Locker, but not before the Godless Chinese Communists laugh as you get caught up in their WALL OF ROLLING DEATH, the razor-sharp mile-long nets that literally EXTINGUISHES ALL LIFE from their naval laneways.

Modern navies have grappled with how to deal with the Jellyfish problem for decades now, as evidenced by a January 2006 encounter between the US Navy and their Jellyfish Overlords, which resulted in total victory for the Jellyfish, to whom the US relinquished the seas. After the battle the USS Ronald Reagan limped into Brisbane for repairs, and was out of operation for weeks.

Less worried about Jellyfish, because they lack any morals at all about anything, the Red Chinese heathens, who simply deploy the walls of death as they sail around merrily destroying all life in the oceans.

Looking good there, Red China.

Looking not quite so good, the sludge of dead marine life left behind that would usually end up in YOUR cat-food, if the net was deployed by a commercial fishing fleet.

But these lads have no time to stop and make fish-fingers, they’re busy making the Ocean laneways safe for the Red Chinese goods Apple needs on the High Street, and which the Amazon depots need to dump all over the West and kill off our small businesses.

No word yet from consumers about how they feel about this weapon of mass destruction, or if they even care at all about the Dolphins of the coastal waterways of South East Asia being shredded for fun and turned into fish paste.

Meanwhile the faggots at News Limited are treating this like a Chinese technology coup, and running with Red Chinese propaganda from the South China Morning Post Roundeye edition. Yeah, nobody ever thought of putting razor blades in giant nets and sweeping the Oceans clean before.

Maybe because it’s a BAT-SHIT INSANE IDEA.

I-I think found Nemo guise. W-was he always a bunch of 3cm bleeding cubes??

The brutal effect on the waters everywhere the Red Chinese navy goes is to transform clear waters into a murky haze of death – cool, that’s just like how the skies of Red China look. Now these guys won’t get homesick.


The cloud of death then takes weeks decomposing. Totally worth it for the new Iphone though amirite.

And to add death and insult to injury, anybody on a nearby beach who goes in the waters or picks up some of this jellyfish mush is liable to die – and locals are already being stung and KILLED by Severed tentacles, which still contains active toxins.


Compounding all this stupidity is the fact that the reason there are so many Jellyfish in the first place is because unhealthy waters contain few Jellyfish predators, and now that the walls of death are here – there will be no predators at all, only MORE Jellyfish.

Looking forward to nothing but Jellyfish in the future? The guy who makes these razorblade nets is, because soon everyone will need one.

So thanks Red China, and thank you Western consumers, for your vital contribution towards the death of the seas.


Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I’m an Aussie and when I’m not obsessing about Conservative politics or defending Trump I also enjoy various sports and Christian activities.

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