By John Miller
Saturday the 2nd of December, 2017
LOL Norway forgot to turn off location sharing on their brand spanking new F-35s that the Norwegian military bought from Lockheed Martin, and it appears that the military industrial complex has been datamining the Dickens out of the Norse ever since.
In Soviet Norway, spy planes SPIES ON YOU. Welcome to my world, fags.
Literally every device I own is spying on me. The Fridge tells Westinghouse I’m not sticking to my diet, my Laptop live-streams me to Russian hackers after I forgot not to open my email, my PC has recorded my life for posterity and for the benefit of the datamining assholes at Google at Facebook, and I’ve completely given up trying to make my smart phone stop trying to guess what I want to buy.
So sorry Norway, I’m sad not sad that the conglomerate you paid $12 BILLION dollars to or whatever decided to treat you with contempt, but now you are just like every other consumer in the world, so suck it up pal.
When it is not spying on Norway, the $100 MIL F-35A Lightning II Block 3F stealth jet is on the front line of freedom, protecting us from attractive female Russian spies, and their crazy old dad Vladimir Putin, who wants to push his borders back to where they were under George Bush I.
Also I might want to go to Russia World cup and not get gulaged by FSB, so here are some pics of Vlad looking hip AF.
But not so fast Vlad – nobody is restoring borders of Catherine the Great on Norway’s watch.
And thanks to the asshat dataminers at Lockheed Martin, America knows exactly what is being written in the sky everywhere.
Heh. Stupid West. Russian hackers were already knowing. Norway always uses SwedenSucks11 as password.
Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I’m an Aussie and when I’m not obsessing about Conservative politics or defending Trump I also enjoy various sports and Christian activities.