Kuban Russian Chad takes danger-selfie with pinless Hand Grenade, wins Darwin award

By John Miller

Thursday the 30th of November, 2017

 

In a what can only be described as an explosive turn of events, Russian Alpha Male of the Year Alexander ‘Sasha’ Chechik just the other day blew himself into two separate pieces and died, when he forgot how hand grenades worked, and took a selfie with the pin out for his Instagram. His bravery exemplifies the Cossack spirit, and this is the reason that Russia will never be defeated.

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Kuban Chad Chechick, who until recently lived by the Sea of Azov across from the recently re-acquired Russian clay of the Crimea, was no doubt celebrating all the recent successes of Mother Russia, in acquiring the Khazakh Uranium mines for a bargain payment of only $145 million, and the re-annexation of the Crimea while John Kerry was busy windsurfing and falling off his bicycle.

The rich history of the Kuban itself stretches back to the Khazar Khanate, which was overthrown by Sviatoslav I the Brave and incorporated into the Kievan Rus in the 10th century. The Khazar legacy exists today only as a memory of a legendary race of women exemplified by having what has been described as Khazar Milkers.

And later Islam crept into the region and suffocated it.

In later centuries still the Slavs returned, and the Russians took the entire region during the Caucasian War, and this is how things stood when the Nazis arrived, to kill all the Jews and Slavs and take their oil, and do the various other Nazi things that Nazis do.

Everybody always bangs on about Stalingrad, but the Nazis could still have won the war if they had just driven around it. The real war was won in the Battle of the Caucasus, when the grand-folk of Kuban Chad Chechick really put the Aryans to shame.

The German advances during the summer of 1942 had gotten Hitler to within a whisker of total victory, and it looked like Stalin might be toast when the Germans took the Gates of Caucasus, the city of Rostov-on-Don.

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Crossing into the north Caucasus after the fall of Rostov-on-Don in July, the Germans with the Romanians went charging across the Kuban region, fighting the Soviet Union to get to the Caucasus oil fields of Maikop and Grozny, home to the Adyghe and the Chechens. If they got to Baku on the Caspian, in what is now Azerbaijan, they would have a complete set of oil fields, and victory.

The Germans were battle hardened and used to nothing but victory: Army Group A commanded by List, 1st Panzer Army (von Kleist), 4th Panzer Army (Hoth), 17th Army (Ruoff), part of Luftflotte 4 (von Richthofen) and the 3rd Romanian Army under Dumitrescu. Army Group B was held back in support commanded by von Bock, with the rest of Luftflotte 4.

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In total 167,000 men, 4,500 artillery pieces and 1,130 tanks, with 1,000 aircraft.

They were accompanied by 15,000 oil industry workers, already thinking that victory was assured.

German Oil on Caucasus was already an established company, and had been granted a 99-year lease to exploit the Caucasian oil fields by Hitler. And if he hadn’t committed himself to this oil war, his generals might have made a vital breakthrough at Stalingrad, or Moscow. We will never know, because Hitler was a lunatic who didn’t listen to anybody except the voices in his head.

So many things that Hitler guy did wrong LOL. How the Prussian generals managed to almost win the war with all his insane meddling is quite amazing.

A large number of pipes, later used by Stalin and local Soviet oil industry workers, were already being delivered to the North Caucasus. An SS guard regiment was formed to guard the oil fields as soon as they were seized, and a push towards the oil fields of Grozny and Maikop begun.

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For the Soviets the Caucasus was a must-hold, and not only for the oil. They had 226 factories there which had been evacuated from areas deserted under the Scorched Earth policy to the Nazi advance during 1941. With the Soviet Union close to breaking point, these now had to be defended where they were.

The vital link between Moscow and Transcaucasia relied upon the new railway line that ran from Baku to Orsk via Astrakhan. The Grozny-Kiev line was mostly under Nazi control, who were using it to get men and supply to the front. Baku was vital as a shipping port across the Caspian Sea too.

Famous Russian star of stage and screen Lyubov Orlova was even sent to Baku to keep up morale.

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For the Russians, keeping the Caucuses was just as important as it was to the Nazis that they take them. The oil that the Nazi war machine relied on was running dangerously low, and it was do or die for both sides.

Local Soviet units under the command of Budyonny prepared a counter-offensive as the tanks of von Kleist went rumbling across the Caucasian Mountain Range, and Baibakov began the evacuation of the Soviet oil industry personnel.

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The North Caucasian Front under Budyonny contained four rifle brigades, and included forces from the Crimean Front, which had been otherwise destroyed, and some additional forces from the Southern Front, when their divisions were disbanded with the fall of the Gates of Caucasus.

On the 10th of August 1942 the Wehrmacht took their first objective, the oil fields of Maykop. By the 21st the Mountain Division had planted the flag of Nazi Germany on the summit of Mount Elbrus, the highest peak in the Caucasus and Europe.

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In September 1942 Budyonny reorganized his forces as the Black Sea Group to fight the German occupation of the Kuban. This was the high-water mark of Nazi aspirations, as Soviet breakthroughs around Stalingrad meant that the German forces in the Caucasus could no longer just rush headlong towards Baku.

By 1943 the Germans were in full retreat from the Caucuses, and having been poured into the meat grinder of attacks on and around Stalingrad, where Hitler refused to concede defeat, the millions of his Wehrmacht eventually completely run out of supply, and von Paulus surrendered in February.

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The Germans still lived in hope, and established a defensive line on their Kuban bridgehead in the Taman Peninsula, from which they hoped to re-invade the Caucasus. Events far away in the Ukraine did not go their way, and after the Battle of Kursk in August 1943 the Nazis were also soundly defeated by the Kuban Russian Chads, who smashed the remainder of Aryan horde with hammer blows on the Taman in September 1943.

Budyonny reorganized again, and the Coastal Army on November 20, 1943 re-took the Crimea for Russia after an amphibious crossing of the Sea of Azov.

Here a Partisan Orthodox priest gets his medal for doing his bit to help defeat the Nazis in the Great Patriotic War. Stalin probably had him shot later, because muh Communism.

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The Battle for the Caucasus ended with an emphatic victory for Russia, and proved the superiority of civic nationalism over crazy ethnic nationalism once and for all.

Unless the lesson we were meant to learn was that this true MASTER RACE was actually the local admixture of Khazar, Slavic Rus, several local Caucasian tribes, Mongol, Georgian, and whatever else goes into the making of these Kuban Russian Chads.

Truly they are supermen, if not particularly bright.

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Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I’m an Aussie and when I’m not obsessing about Conservative politics or defending Trump I also enjoy various sports and Christian activities.

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