Houston, we have a problem: Flat Earth astronaut grounded by BLM

By John Miller

Monday the 27th of November, 2017


Mad Mike Hughes was today denied his dream of proving outer Space is a big fat lie cooked up by some shadowy group that I’m not fully ITK about, as the White Man was kept down once again in America by BLM.


No, not the BLM of overpaid and overhyped hand-egg enthusiasts who burn down the inner cities because they hate America, its flag, its anthem, its cops, its President, and its wypeepul; the OTHER BLM, you bigots.

The Bureau of Land Management joined in on the vast conspiracy to keep limo driver Mike firmly on the Flat Earth, but the 61-year-old part-time stuntman and prominent Flat Earth theory buster is undeterred, vowing to take to the skies soon, where he hopes to confirm his suspicions.

Mad Mike has already built a steam powered rocket to blast up into the firmament, at speeds of to 500 MILES PER HOUR.



Clearly you need to get yourself some turbo, Son, if you hope to break the Sound Barrier and truly become a thunderclap across the heavens. 667 Knots or go home, as they say.

But I digress.

Mike hopes to go heavenward soon in his latest untested homemade steam-powered rocket over the Mojave Desert ghost town of Amboy, California, to prove the Earth is flat. He very well may go all the way to Heaven on the first attempt.

But not this last weekend, thanks to the spoilsports at BLM, who revoked the oral permission that they gave him to use their land at the last minute. Booooooooooooooooo.


The Bureau of Land Management meanwhile claims that it has no record of ever giving Hughes verbal permission to hold his rocket launch on public lands. Likely story. AJ, investigate this immediately!

Mr Hughes remains defiant in the face of Big Government, but has decided to delay the launch date and move the launch site three miles down the road. Take that, nanny state. And cop this science.

“I don’t believe in science,” Hughes flat out says, giving the middle finger to science fags everywhere.


“I know about aerodynamics and fluid dynamics and how things move through the air, about the certain size of rocket nozzles, and thrust. But that’s not science, that’s just a formula. There’s no difference between science and science fiction,” added Mad Mike, BTFO science fags forever and all time.

Hughes, already an accomplished astronaut who took to the skies on a homemade rocket in 2014, knows that he has it all to do, and he has to do it on a shoestring. No bloated NASA budget for Mike, who is going to space for just 20 THOUSAND BUCKS. That’s the American can-do spirit right there!

mad-mike-hughes-scraps-saturday-rocket-launch-940x460 (1)

California anons, you know what to do too. Truly this will be the Happening of the Century, as it is proved once and for all that the Earth is FLAT, and that Man can truly punch the sky.

This must be documented, and I look forward to a truly comfy happening.

So far no precise details on a launch date from Mike Hughes, who says it may take three days just to get his rocket to its new location, but keep watching the skies, Amboy, California.



Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I’m an Aussie and when I’m not obsessing about Conservative politics or defending Trump I also enjoy various sports and Christian activities.

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