God goes old skool on Melbourne, kills Victorians with lightning bolts

By John Miller

Saturday the 25th of November, 2017

 

Melbourne was ravaged by lightning storms on Friday night, and one woman is dead and a man critically injured in the hospital. The young Melbourne couple got out of their car to watch the brutal display of nature, which came at the end of a week of sweltering heat over East, while meanwhile it has been beautiful Spring weather over here.

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Condolences to the victims and their families, as God continues his killing spree with thunderbolts around Australia, so far claiming at least three Aussies, including one in Sydney and one bloke who was sitting at the bus-stop near a racetrack in the glorious West.

The Lord works in mysterious ways, but the young couple may not have done themselves any favours by standing near a tree.

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Just as a word of caution to others in the future, lightning will usually strike the tallest object, such as a tree, and then jump to any nearby humans who are full of salty water.

If caught in a lighting-storm kids, remember to crouch down, stay away from tall objects, and touch as little of the surface of the ground as possible.

Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I’m an Aussie and when I’m not obsessing about Conservative politics or defending Trump I also enjoy various sports and Christian activities.

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