By John Miller
Sunday the 19th of November, 2017
President Trump continues to crush all his opponents like a bottle of water at a press conference, today winning the semi-prestigious Time Man of the Year Award. While this will ensure his place on the waiting room tables of doctors everywhere for at least the next twenty-five years, what about the rest of the competition?
The Silver medal was won by a Canadian woman. I’ve never heard of her, but I’m sure she’s a mighty fine lesbian eskimo with a passion for drug legalisation.
In third place, with shameful bronze, everyone that Harvey Weinstein raped and paid Black Cube to throw over a balcony. Oh God, not Tay-Tay. Y-you MONSTER.
Arriving hot on their heels, it’s his Holy Father, fellow self-confessed America-hater and open borders junky Ariana Grande Latte, some woman who should be in prison, Dude Heroin LMAO, and a guy who tried to turn Wapo into Fake News to protect his shitty internet monopoly but was a decade too late.
In the Rocket Man places: Rose McGowan, a Hungry Hippo, Treason McStrokeface, Lurch from the Addams family, and Uncle Steve. Better luck next year.
Also relevant this year: The guy who used to be on the Man Show, a Communist pig farmer, some guy who forgot to fire up his bots, Mark this-is-the-same-percent-I’ll-get-in-the-Dem-primaries Zuckerberg, the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, sex-change Phil Collins, and a band from the 1950s.
Dead Last and TOTALLY IRRELEVANT: Everybody who is going to attend the next Conference on Global Warming in the city that should probably be more concerned about Allah-Akbar related fatalities. At least you tried.
Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I’m an Aussie and when I’m not obsessing about Conservative politics or defending Trump I also enjoy various sports and Christian activities.