By John Miller
Sunday the 19th of November, 2017
Regular lurkers of toxic internet breads will be vaguely aware that Finn Knight can be summoned by mentioning Lauren on 4chan, but what do we really know about this guy, apart from his great love of Canadian women, and his complete immunity to sleep?
Also, who is Lauren Southern? Honestly, I was just piling on and had no idea she was a real person.
All that I knew about Lauren Southern was that she was allegedly the less attractive sister of Jess Southern, who I now also know is a real person. Lauren has a YouTube channel. She seems nice.
After watching Lauren for several minutes, I did feel kind of sleepy though. Luckily I then found a video of Lauren at the Antifa riots in Hamburg. She seemed to be having a nice time, but then later she was crying. Apparently she was bullied by the tolerant Left. Booo.
No footage exists of the actual attack. Booo.
According to (((sources))), Lauren can’t run as fast as Tim Pool, and was in fear for her life. Or maybe Tim just skated away. Gotta protect your hat, bro.
TIL Antifa perceive Lauren as some kind of Eva Braun style figure. Wait, what?
In any case, it seems that both the Far-Right and the Far-Left now hate Lauren, but why?
The persistent rumour on /pol/ is that Lauren is Jewish, and until she produces her 23-and-me and a sworn affidavit notarised by David Irving, the Internet Nazis just won’t let this go. Also, she is a real girl. That’s two strikes. Also, she’s a LEAF.
Also hated, the Finngolian Knight, who magically appears and calls you a shill and a non-kosher ethnic slur if you impugn the Aryan credentials of his queen. Try it. It’s magic. He’s a super-duper White Knight trooper for the Alt Right pin-up girls.
I for one wish the happy couple all the best in their upcoming nuptials.
Bro, you should totally ask Richard Spencer to be your best man. Also please periscope this happening.
Is there Antifa in Finland? Will they kick the bins outside the Church? Can Finn Knight summon horse archers to protect him and his lady love?
I’m literally intrigued.
Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I’m an Aussie and when I’m not obsessing about Conservative politics or defending Trump I also enjoy various sports and Christian activities.