FT: Spurs 0 – *nal 2, Optus are a failing pile of garbage

By John Miller

Saturday the 18th of November, 2017


It’s Spurs versus the Arsenal, and instead of watching the soccer on my television I’m here on my PC like some filthy savage because the Prem sold its Aussie broadcast rights to A BLOOMING PHONE COMPANY – thanks Optus.


Oh and what’s that, two years in and you still haven’t made an app for the PS4 Optus? Bastards.

Oh never mind, it’s the NORF LANDAN DARBEE innit.

I’ll just chuck this Fetch Box in the bin *throws out garbage* and grab a stream off Reddit, aight?

Spurs Lineup

Sorry-not-sorry no screen-cap for the Gooner line-up.

Kick orf to follow…

And it’s another full house at the Emirates.

Good to see the #parttimesupporters are out in force.


And a few words of Argentinian wisdom from Pog before the match: “It’s important to win.”


Well said, that man.

The players are coming out.

And it’s Arry Kane!!!


And here’s a waste of money.


Can’t hear anything except Yid Army Yid Army Yid Army LOL…

And now it’s 1-0 to the Arsenal from a set piece. The nostalgia.


And suddenly Sanchez makes it 2-0. Crikey.


And it’s half-time at the Emirates. Spurs need to dig in & assorted cliches. Football is a game of two halves, and you’re only as good as your last game, etc.


My take so far, Arsenal was playing a lot of tikky-takky, and had a bit of luck getting a free off that challenge. All the same, the finish was quite classy to get that first goal.

Amazing what a bit of confidence can do, and Sanchez suddenly looks menacing. Can he make it two or three? Before he gets his transfer in?

Spurs have it all to do ahead of them now.

Now let’s all laugh at the commentators, as they big up the team they were ALL trashing just 45 minutes ago.

And not much happening so far in the Second, so Pog starts shuffling the board.


And Wenger makes a change. 53 million dollar man out.


Pog makes another two changes. Not pictured – Kane off for Son. That’s Harry’s first NLD with no goal. Is he carrying an injury?


Honestly this hardly feels like a North London derby. No red cards. No passion. No sense of urgency. Just the team that beat Real Madrid thinking about the next match already.

Ozil strolls off at a leisurely pace after Wenger subs him.


He didn’t score but he still got MOTM. Good guy Mezut hypnotises the crowd with his giant bugman eyes.


2-0 at Full Time. A lacklustre performance from Spurs, but a reprieve for the Arsenal.

Mind the gap, lads.


And here are all the stats.


Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I’m an Aussie and when I’m not obsessing about Conservative politics or defending Trump I also enjoy various sports and Christian activities.

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