By John Miller
Saturday the 11th of November, 2017
Malcolm in the middle isn’t really pleasing anybody any more. He’s never going to be gay enough to please the Socialist Left, and he’s never going to Christian enough to please the Christian Right, so why doesn’t he just accept that he would be far happier as an elder statesman? He can go join the other Malcolm on the retirement pastures of Fake Conservatism that former leaders of the Liberal Party of Australia just love to be put out to graze on.
If Malcolm Turnbull ever had any core beliefs or inner convictions then he holds them pretty close to his chest, and we aren’t likely to see them again until he’s basking in the praise of a hip young QANDA audience once more.
What is this guy’s end game? Is he just trying to beat Malcolm Fraser’s high score?
Bill Shorten says fair dinkum a lot, and I’m not sure that he knows what it means either. The Tony Blair third wave socialism of Shorten is probably as disgusting to a degenerate Leftist as the Fifty Shades of neutral that Turnbull has coloured himself is to the Conservative Christian base of the Coalition.
There has only ever been one fair dinkum politician on the Coalition Right in Australia, and that man’s name is Based Tones. I might add Barnaby Joyce, but I don’t know where he came from, and I’m not sure whether he ought to be deported or not.
Even Honest John of the battlers was more of an extreme pragmatist than a Centre Right culture warrior, and he had the eternal good fortune of running Keating to ground. Mr 20% interest rates set Howard up for dream run, and Jellyback Kim wasn’t exactly stiff competition.
John knew just where to position himself to cut Pauline off at the knees, and he stole all her positions without garnering any of her odium. Howard reacted to headlines, but otherwise Mr Gun Grabber mostly just did what the donors told him to do.
The closest the Left ever got to a Believer was Mark Latham, but his one or two attempts to out himself as a full-blown Socialist didn’t fly so well in what is a fairly conservative and mostly Christian nation, and before too long he was just another me-too talking mouth on the Murdoch payroll.
In the modern era only Based Tones has shown any guts at the top, and he did it before, during, and after he was leader of the Liberal Party. He came out and said it: stop the boats. Australia agreed.
All this hand wringing about a bunch of ingrates who would rather destroy the facilities that some taxpayer in Dubbo had to pull overtime for rather than shift to a shiny new home 100 metres down the road might be heart wrenching drama if have blue hair and a nose ring, but everybody who has to get up at 6.30 am and then run for the bus because it came early has probably got bigger problems going on their life.
In this era of Fake News and Fake Australian politicians who all turn out to be foreign nationals, the mood in the branches is turning decidedly against gutless appeasers.
Don’t be surprised if Based Tones grabs the brass ring again.
Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I currently live in Australia and I write about things that concern me as a Christian, or as a cranky guy. These days I spend all my spare time defending the best (and only worthy) President of the United States since Reagan. Totally worth it. Bring back that 80s prosperity and the Moral Majority, Mr President. Christians4Trump. MAGA.