By John Miller
Thursday the 9th of November, 2017
There has been a lot of buzz around Teen Vogue lately, a magazine which I will hasten to add I have never read, looked at, or even picked up to kill a cockroach with. It is rumoured that a certain decrepit and haggardly somebody who used to enjoy stumbling around drunk in the White House and asking President Obama where her margarita was has found a new hobby – young girls.
Well, young girls that she isn’t allegedly watching two state troopers bury in an Arkansas forest while screaming Do you know who I am and throwing empty wine bottles at passing traffic.
And hey, if you’re interested in young girls that weren’t just allegedly raped to death by the governor, what better place to work than with the ambiguously human bathroom-challenged hermaphrodites at Teen Vogue.
Enter Hillary Clinton.
The xuys and xals at T-Vogue don’t just crank out teddy bear porn any more.
Starting soon Hillary will get to serialise her very own totally legit tales of teenage menopausal angst, plausibly involving Drumpf as a meany who took two scoops and how that made her feels go sad.
On behalf of all our fellow teenagers, I wish Queen Mother Slay all the very bestest. Knowing our girl, she will probably buy herself a better pony than Jessica, have Tiffany shot for being prettier than her, and start a rumour that Brooke was colluding with the Russians.
Don’t fall off that pony Hilldawg, the vogue teens probably don’t want to read about your hip replacement.
Full disclosure: John Miller’s IRL name is Frank Faulkner. I currently live in Australia and I write about things that concern me as a Christian, or as a cranky guy. These days I spend all my spare time defending the best (and only worthy) President of the United States since Reagan. Totally worth it. Bring back that 80s prosperity and the Moral Majority, Mr President. Christians4Trump. MAGA.